Hello!!!! It's me. Yet again! RUN!!!! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN! OK. I'd like to clear up a few things, that I got from your reviews. Thank you to HP Fan, Pigwidgeon, Farie, RonWeasleyFan, Portia, Hannah, Snitch, hermione187, Haruka, R/H Rule!!! (whoever you actually are), Sherry, One Of The Girls Who Lived, tippy, and Doll. OK. To _____ I say that 1. Hermione and Ron might not have kids. 2. One of my best friends has bushy red hair, freckles, big teeth and she's really really pretty. Don't insult her. 3. Some kids look nothing like their parents. I myself have brown wavy hair, blue/grey eyes and freckles, my mum has blonde hair, hazel eyes and a big nose, and my dad has black hair, wonky teeth and brown eyes. I'm not adopted, though. To Angel (7) I say it is and R/H smooch, just see what I do with Lavender in this part. ::wink:: Snape fan, it's not all tht confusing. To Harry's Gurl, I say use your own pen name rather than stealing Megs'. Chick, I only saw the movie once. Crazy Poet, I know there's not magic in the story, but there will be. B*u*T*e*R*f*L*y, You shouldn't get that lost. Cheers everyone for reviewing. Reviews are what makes the world go round. Or is that money.....? Nah, just kidding, I do know that it's the sun. Well I think it is. I did come top of my class in science exams, you know. If there's anyone I missed, you have my eternal groveling. Maybe not eternal. Unfortunately I haven't quite got the Elixir of Life yet. Sorry! ;-) Hey, you know what I did the other day. I proclaimed to be J.K. Rowling and Bill Gates the second. That would make me J.K.G. but then turn J.K around and you have K.J.G. Which are my initials. How scary do you find that?!?! j/k. Anything else I've missed, well, I'm very very sorry! All of the funky characters listed below (in the fan fic you nimrods) belong to the almighty J.K Rowling.So I think. If there's anyone you don't recognise they're mine. I don't think there's anyone different in it. But I called Tom (the barkeeper) Tom Bailey cos I don't know his last name. My God what a long A/N. On with the show then Chaps. God how British did I sound then! TALLY HO! Parte dos! "Here, taste this." Hermione scooped up a teaspoonful of the vanilla sauce she was making and held it out for her waiter/chef/friend Neville Longbottom (what a name) to taste. "Hmmm..." Neville, the man who had changed a lot from his school days- he was a lot thinner now than he used to be and not so round faced, said, trying (and failing) to hide a grimace, "It's nice..." "You do realise you can't lie." Hermione said, pouring the sauce down the sink, wrinkling her nose. "Eugh. It's like blue cheese and dirt." "And there's only one thing that's worse than blue cheese and dirt," added Sybil, as she and her large glasses walked into the kitchen. They all looked at each other, paused, and then in perfect synchronisation said "Rum and raisin." "I cannot believe she did this!" said Ron, storming round the room. This is the last straw." He paused dramatically, and then said "I'M GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HER!" "Well duh." Ginny said, yawning. "You always break up with girls after a while. Face it, you're afraid of commitment." "I AM NOT!!" Ron said, turning as red as his hair, but out of anger. "Ron, your stress levels." "Oh yeah," Ron said, perfectly happy again. "And I'm not afraid of commitment." "Give me one good reason why you broke up with someone." "Harriet Steel." "Because she likes Steps is not a reason." "Oh come on, this is Lavender we're talking about. I don't even like her!" "Fine. I must admit, I'm not too keen on her either." Ginny laughed. "Do you remember in school, when she---" "Ginny. Shut up. I'll do it at lunch." "Hey guys." Hermione said, to her regular customers, though there weren't many. "Hi Herm." They replied. There was Piers Polkiss, Doris Crockford, Dedalus Diggle, and Dean and Parvati Thomas. "So what do you want today?" Hermione said, already knowing the answer. "The usual." Just then the bell over the door of the restaurant rang. Tom Bailey walked in, sat down, took out a paper, and said "That stupid Oscuro's place is screwin' up everythin'. They think they're classier than our Herm's, but noooo. They ain't got no clue when it comes to good food." "My food's not all that good Tom. I know you aren't here for it." She said, knowing the old man only came out of respect, because he had fancied her mother. "Anyway, that leads me to something else. We're.... We might have to close the restaurant," she said, on the verge of tears. "I know my mum wouldn't have wanted that, but... things change, and..." The flood barriers opened and Hermione broke into silent tears. "I'm sorry, I've just..." Hermione turned on her heel and ran out of the restaurant. She sank down near the door and cried her eyes out, remembering her mother. "Here you are." The taxi driver (who looked suspiciously like ex-Hogwarts teacher Serverus Snape) pulled up to 'Grangers', a restaurant. "Thanks," said Ron, climbing out of the taxi after Lavender. He then looked up from his mobile phone. "Hey! This isn't Chantelles!" "What, I have to do everything for you?" The taxi driver sped off, to (literally) God knows where. "Oh honey, where is this?" Lavender asked Ron, frowning. "Grangers. Whatever that is." Lavender moved towards a woman she saw, standing outside of the restaurant. Oh God, Hermione thought, wiping her with a trembling hand, desperate not to show weaknesses to other people- especially the guy she liked. He (thankfully) hadn't seen her yet. "Excuse me, can you tell me where Chantelles is?" "Er... yeah, it's down the street and to the left." "You...!" Ron finally saw Hermione and pointed at her, moving nearer. "Yeah. Me." Hermione said, hoping she didn't have blotchy eyes. "You two know each other...?" "Not necessarily..." Hermione started, but Ron said "We've met." And will hopefully do so again, he added in his head. "Yeah. Well. Honey, Chantelles is just around the corner. We can go and..." "Why don't we eat here..." Ron said, moving his girlfriend out of the way. "You could show me that crab." "Erm... sure. Come right inside." Hermione led them inside, earning stares from everyone. There were new customers? And one of them was the guy building the new restaurant?!?! "So...What would you like?" "The crab, if you could," Ron said, getting a glare from Lavender. "You'll both be having that?" "Yeah." Ron replied, but at exactly the same moment Lavender said "No." Ron looked at her, his expression a mixture between 'I like this woman serving us!', 'What the hell do you think you're doing?' and 'Oh God, not again!' "Can you do a very, very simple chicken breast in mushroom sauce?" "Um... I'll see what I can do." Hermione walked away, loathing that woman the guy was with. She was the one who should be sitting there, not that perfect creep! Inside the kitchen, Hermione stopped, and looked at Neville. "Well, how the HELL am I supposed to make a crab nepoliwhateveritis I told him I could cook?!?" "Told who?" "That guy out there! Look through the window!" While Hermione busied herself with trying to find a crab recipe, and after Neville had put some crabs in a pot, Neville looked through the glass panels of the kitchen door. He saw a grown up Ron and a stunningly perfect Lavender! He hadn't seen them for ages! Not since school! "How are the crabs?" "The crabs..." Neville lifted the pot, "Are dead." "Yuck. God. She's just so perfect!" Hermione took some chicken out of the fridge and started banging it to tenderise it. "I take it you like this guy." Neville said knowingly. "No I don't." "Yeah you do." "No I don't. But look at her with her perfect hair and her perfect outfit and her perfect nose and perfect teeth, and her perfect..." With every 'perfect' Hermione bashed the meat harder than the first bash's predecessor. "Herm. Stop it. So she's got perfect hair! It's not like she's got... Woah, that hair really is perfect!" "I could fix mine." "Not like that you can't. Wow, her skin looks silky like butter." "Cosmetics." "Make up can't look that real. You only get skin like that if you're born with it. And man, and that suit is sharp!" "I could get some 'sharp suits'!" By this time Hermione had put the chicken in the pan, with a satisfying 'sizzle'. "Not that sharp. If she trips and falls she'll cut herself!" "God, do we have to be in here?! It's just so...... Lower class!" "LAVENDER!" Ron hissed between his teeth. "What?" she replied, not bothering to keep her voice down. "I mean, just look at the people in here..." she wrinkled her nose. "Look, you may not like the décor, but the food will be great, I'm sure of it." "Have you noticed how many words there are for delicious?" Hermione said, while preparing the crab dish she was making. "Delectable... savoury... luscious... ambrosial... mouth- watering... tasty... appetising... delightful... yummy... scrumptious... palatable... toothsome..." Hermione stopped at the look on Neville's face. She noticed where his bulged eyes were looking- at the crab dish. It was beautifully presented, a mass of colour, and... well, all the words Hermione had been using. It was very different from Hermione's usual creations. "Oh...my...God." "Would you like a martini?" Sybill said, asking Ron and Lavender, holding out a martini. "Oh, no thanks." "Well all right." Sybill walked off, sipping it. Ron and Lavender stared after her. Neville came back carrying the meals. "Here you go." He put the trays down and hurried off before they could recognise him. "Oh. Is this it?" Lavender said distastefully. "LAVENDER!" Ron hissed again, before starting on his own meal. "Mmmm.... This is wonderful! Oh..." he took another mouthful, "The taste! It's delicious! Gorgeous! Lovely!" He looked at Lavender and took up the courage to tell her he wanted to break up with her. "Lavender, I've been thinking..." "I know! How can I... stay... with you." "What?" this was entirely not what Ron had been expecting. "Yeah. I mean, with my perfect hair and my perfect outfits and my perfect nose and my perfect teeth..." Lavender got up, leaning backwards like she was drunk, and stumbled over to the plate rack. She picked two of the up and said "Look! These plates... DON'T EVEN MATCH!" She broke into hysterical laughter as Hermione and Neville ran out of the kitchen and she threw all of the plates at the walls. SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! Everyone looked on in shock, trying to dodge the flying plates. Finally, when Lavender had choked during her manic laughing fit, and had thrown all the plates around, she said, "Bye!" she leant down and took Ron's tie in her hands, wiped her mouth, and made for the door, pausing only to say "Neville... looks good. Call me some time. I'm sure my Ronniekins will give you the number!" There was silence in the restaurant. The regular customers were still cowering underneath the tables, Sybill was looking like she had turned into a horribly obscure fish, her mouth open, shutting and closing at random. Neville was still staring slightly goggle eyed at the door where Lavender had just been, Ron was in shock, and his ears were pink just like they always were under pressure. Hermione was just staring, her expression unreadable, but was the first to speak. "Well... I think that takes care of that. Neville and Sybill, could you clear up this mess, and I'll just..." "I'm terribly sorry!" Ron said, turning pinker as he spoke to Hermione. "Lavenders just... not crazy, as such, but er...highly strung. I'll send you some more plates to pay for all this damage, just send the bill on." "Oh. Thanks." "Yeah, here's my card." Hermione took it, reading, "Ron Weasley." "Yeah. It's better than Ronniekins. And you are...?" "Hermione Granger." "Oh. I see. All right. Be sure to drop by some time, Hermi." And with that, Ron shook Hermione's hand and walked out of the room with all that was left of his small ego. Hermione stood there, staring at her hand. No-one had ever called her Hermi before. It had always been Herm, or Mione. But Hermi was nice. And Ron had been the first to call her it. It felt... right, somehow. She took charge. "All right, Neville and Sybill, if you could clear up this mess. Guys," she said, addressing the customers, "I think it would be best if you went home. It'll take a while to find all the pieces of the plates." Hermione went back into the kitchen. She was filled with a sense of loving, strangely enough. It was almost as if she had acquired a muse, as writers do, and it was commanding her to cook a dessert. She rooted through the few cookbooks she had, and found a recipe for a caramelised cream eclair. She found the ingredients, and though it looked complicated, the managed to bake them with ease. She then found a pile of old boxes her mum had used when giving out takeaway desserts- small and easy to assemble, and they fit three of the eclairs easily. When Hermione had finished the first batch, she had the urge to make another... and another... but she didn't see the gold, sparkling, almost magical 'dust' that was coming out of her oven as they cooked... "Oh my god." "I know." "What is wrong with him?" Ginny and Harry stood at the door to Ron's office, watching him space out on the couch. "He's been like that ever since he came back from that restaurant without Lavender." "I'm really worried about him Harry." "Ginny... I don't know how to break this to you, but... it's only been 20 smegging minutes!" "But... It's weird. He's never like this." "He is now." "How does this look?" "Hermione, I'm sure he'll like you in anything you wear, even if it was a bin bag." Neville replied to a nervous Hermione, who was picking out clothes to wear as she went to Oscuro's. "But I don't want him to think I'm some kind of freak. And don't touch the dolls!" Hermione added, when she saw Neville's hand reaching towards her mothers china dolls on the dresser. "You'll be fine." Neville said, picking up two of the dolls anyway. "But what do I talk about?" "Sex." "SEX?!?" "Yeah. The average man thinks about sex 238 times a day." Neville said, saying this as if it was obvious. "Oh my god." Hermione walked into her walk in wardrobe, and tried to pick out something better to wear. "Yeah. And there's also a thing with the belts, or the pockets." Neville pressed two of the dolls together and made it look like they were making out. (Men!) "I'm sorry?" "When a man hitches up his belt or puts his hands in his pockets he's probably thinking about sex." "Oh god, why did you have to tell me that?!" "It was my duty as a man." Neville said, shoving the dolls back, while Hermione brought out a long spaghetti-strap dress, and showed it to Neville. "What about this?" she put it against herself as if she was wearing it. Neville put one hand in his pocket, and one on his belt. Hermione's eyebrows shot up. "That good huh?" Neville looked down at his hands and hastily crossed his arms. "Yeah... I mean, no... I mean... OK, just put that on and go see Ron." "How do you know his name?" "Erm... we went to school together." "Why didn't he recognise you?" "Lavender did." Neville said, brightening slightly. "And I was a little... bigger, then." "Oh..." Hermione said knowingly. "What was Ron like at school?" "Well, he's the master of chess- I'm surprised he didn't do that instead of managing a store... But he got to go out with Lavender, the bas-" "NEVILLE!" "Oh. Yeah. Well, he's really funny, has... 5 brothers and a sister. He's best friends with the most famous kid in school and was constantly overshadowed. You've gotta feel sorry for the guy. But at least he wasn't god damn near being a squib!" Neville said, almost shaking with anger at the last sentence. "A what?" Hermione said, unfazed. "What?" "Huh?" "Nothing." "Oooookay. Well, I'm off to see Ron so, see ya!" Hermione walked out of her room, and then yelled back "DON'T TOUCH THE DOLLS!" Neville quickly out down the two dolls he was carrying and raced down the stairs after her, to prove he wasn't touching them. Hermione walked down the street, carrying a box of caramel eclairs for Ron. She passed the security guard outside of the store and watched him hitch up his belt as a beautiful woman walked past. Hermione tried to shake what Neville had said out of her mind, and walked into the store, looking for Ron. In her rush she knocked over a whole display of perfume bottles. "I'm so sorry, let me help you pick these up! I'm sorry!" "Madam, it is OK. I'll do it, you carry on through the store." "Oh. Thank you so much!" "It's all right." Hermione was amazed at the courteousness of the staff. She went over to the lift and pressed the button to call it down. When it finally came down, she looked up and saw... Ron walked out of his office, having finally decided to get off his couch and do some work. It was no use thinking about Hermione. But it was like a bug that had got into his brain... not that he was comparing her to a bug, that would be like comparing her to Rita Skeeta! But he couldn't get Hermione out of his head. She was constantly in there, never getting out... And there was still that familiar thing about the taxi driver that was annoying him. But Hermione... she was so beautiful! She wasn't 'perfect' like Lavender, she was natural, she had depth! She was the most amazing woman he had ever known! Ron stepped into the lift, going down to the ground floor. Would he ever see Hermione again? He had to! He just HAD to! The lift stopped and the doors opened. Ron looked up from his feet to see... "Hey. Your meal came with dessert." A/N. Well! The end! I'm aiming to do 1 part a week, cos I have a MAJOR load of school work. I hate year 9. Sats, Options.... EUGH! But, I should be able to do that. It's about... 6 pages a week? Yeah, I think that's right. Now I REALLY have to put another CD on. STEROPHONICS OVERLOAD! AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!! But I still think they rule. Cos they do. Shut up OKay!